BTB 1 | Body Positivity

 

Welcome to Bedtime with Bunny, the comedy lifestyle podcast that unravels the real people behind the social media creators that you love! Kicking the show off on a powerful note, your host, The Bunny Barbie, and one of her best friends, Crystal, deliver an empowering message about positivity to all the young girls out there who are experiencing bullying and body shaming. High school is tough, you say? Believe it or not, these two ladies have had more than their fair shares of the same struggles that you are going through. You may have more in common with them than you realize. Listen in as they talk about becoming who you are as a woman, respecting yourself, and feeling better about yourself. Everything is going to be alright, and you’re inching closer to it than you realize.

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Welcome To Bedtime With Bunny: Kicking Off Strong With A Message On Body Positivity

Can you believe my show is ready to go and it’s here? I cannot believe I’m doing officially the first episode. It has been very stressful for me and technical issues. I had to get a new computer, a new microphone, and everything that you could imagine to go wrong with starting this. I’m excited to finally get this thing started. I wanted this to be fun, silly and a way for you to learn more about me. I was thinking of what would be the best first episode to give you. I posted about body shaming. I got hundreds of messages, which made me want to change my first episode. I want to talk and have a deep conversation with you rather than interviewing a TikToker. I have a lot to say about feeling better about yourself, positivity, confidence, and stuff that you asked me every day.

I got several messages from young girls saying that they’ve harmed themselves or they’re being bullied. I cannot tell you how much I relate to all of you. I know that it looks like everyone’s living a perfect life and nothing’s ever wrong. I have also been through most of the things that you tell me that you’re going through. I want to join in one of my best friends for the first episode. We have a lot to talk about becoming who you are as a woman, respecting yourself, and feeling better about yourself. I wanted to do a powerful message instead of a funny interview for this first episode. I want you to know that I hear you, I see you and I love you.

I wanted to have a raw conversation with one of my best friends, the Dionne to my Cher. I feel like this is much more important to me than having an interview with TikToker for my first episode. I wanted to talk about how we can teach younger girls to feel more confident in themselves and have some hope looking forward. How do you feel that these girls can have more self-confidence? What gave you self-confidence?

What these girls need to do is number one, you have to believe in yourself. You have to understand that there’s more to you. Even though right now, you’re not where you want to be or you don’t look like how you want to look, it’s an evolution and a process. You have to go through an entire timeline of events in order to end up where you want to be. That would be number one. Number two is you have to surround yourself with people who truly care about you, who love you, who want to see you win, and some bad bitches at the end of the day.

It’s hard because these girls are in school. They’re surrounded by these people that they’re probably not even going to know ten years from now. It’s hard for them and it was hard for me. These are the kinds of people you’re around and they’re not good for you. You’ve got to maybe focus on doing other things that you’re interested like hobbies or whatever, and finding people who have similar interests to you, rather than people at your school. I had no friends at my school. I had friends at other schools and I got kicked out of school but that’s another subject.

You’re not even going to know these people in 10, 15, even 5 years. They’re going to be lame. When I look at all the people that I went to high school with, I’m laughing so hard because I cared so much about their approval and what they thought of me and what they said about me. I graduated in ‘08. I’m at a point where I’m like, “Fuck those people. Who cares what they thought?”

You don’t have to see them.

They see me but I don’t see them. You’re absolutely correct.

When you’re in that bubble, it feels like it’s the whole world and it’s not.

It’s such a short amount of time in your life. You’re in high school for four years. You’re in middle school for three years. If you can tough that timeout and find you a group that means well for you, even 1 to 2 people, you don’t need a whole crowd of people around you. At the end of the day, that’s different influences that’s not going to serve you well. You need to find 1 or 2.

It’s an age thing too. We always had friends that were older. Now I even have friends that are younger. It doesn’t matter. People get so wrapped up in like “We’re in the same grade. This should be my friend,” but it doesn’t need to be like that.

When I was a freshman, my best friend was a senior. We were hanging out. My parents were like, “She’s a little bit older.” At the end of the day, she helped me mature and be able to own myself. We were going to the clubs and we were having a good time. I was able to find myself through that experience too.

Have you ever dealt with depression?

There is more to you. You just have to believe in yourself. Click To Tweet

I did. It was brief but I did. It was when I was pregnant. I got pregnant in high school. I was a senior in high school. I was three months pregnant and my son’s dad broke up with me and started dating another girl at the same school that I went to. They were walking around school, holding hands, lovey-dovey. Meanwhile, I’m walking around pregnant, pissed off, hormonal. That time, it was bad. My image and what everyone said about me at school was so horrible. I was in this teenage pregnant moms’ group. It was a class that we had to go to in order to get course credit. It was horrible.

They had a whole class for teenage moms?

It was twenty-plus pregnant girls. It was mandatory. You would want to go to that. In high school, you better have something for us if you want these kids to survive. It was bad. I got suspended from school. My parents took me to a doctor because they’re like, “You need to get it together. Not only for yourself but for your child. You’re acting reckless. You’re pregnant. You’re trying to fight all these people. You need to get your emotions in check.” When I went to the doctor and she told me that I had clinical depression, I was like, “No, ma’am, that is not me. I am not going to be classified as depressed over this guy. Absolutely not.” That’s when I had to shift my mindset to make myself go forward and forget him. I’m going to do me. I’m going to raise my son to the best of my ability. It gave me something else to look forward to.

It’s hard when you’re so young with all those emotions. I can’t even imagine being hormonal and pregnant.

You’ll get through it. You live and you learn. Now it’s a totally different spot now. In high school, you go through all these things. Even if you’re not pregnant, you’re still going through your hormones and trying to figure out yourself and your true identity.

I was sharing with you some of the messages that some girls were sending me. They’re so young like 5th, 6th grade. It’s insane. They’re dealing with serious stuff. I went through the same thing. I remember I was young dealing with some of the same stuff too. It’s so crazy to look back and think that it’s still the same way for many of these girls, that they’re going through the same things that I went through.

The same things, body image, self-esteem, and everything. It’s more like coping skills. We needed to learn how to cope with different things and then move beyond it. We found our coping in partying, hanging out, and all the wrong things. If you have the self-awareness to figure out how to cope with depression, anxiety, not feeling your best, or not feeling valuable, then that’s how you’re able to redirect your mind and transform it into something positive.

There are different ways that you can uplift yourself too. We have some similar ones, but I’m very more about meditating, putting things out there, and manifesting. Whereas you have a love of God, which helps you get through a lot of stuff too. It’s not one way. You don’t have to be one way or another.

You help other people that way to you because you help other people grow and figure out what works best for them. If it was one way, then it would work. Everyone would be cured and everyone wouldn’t be going through these different things. It shows you that there are different ways for different people. Not everyone learns the same way, so not everyone copes the same way.

I do not recommend going out every night and partying like we did.

I couldn’t even do it now if I wanted to. I saw a meme and it made me laugh so hard. It’s like, “The way my life is set up now is I can either go out on Friday or Saturday. I can’t do both.” I’m thinking I can’t do either. I need to do a Monday afternoon lunchtime and then go right back to my house.

I can maybe twice a year. We have this one friend that’s been best friends with us for years. She’s always flaking. She would never go out with us two nights in a row. She would make plans and then canceling. Now, I’m totally on her level.

I wish I was the one that canceled, but now I am. You live and you learn.

BTB 1 | Body Positivity

Body Positivity: If you have the self-awareness to figure out how to cope with not feeling valuable, that’s how you can redirect your mind and transform it into something positive.

 

Do you regret anything or you just keep it moving?

I keep it moving. I feel like everything that I’ve done, everything that I’ve gone through serves a purpose. Regardless of if it’s something that was so horrible and I don’t want anyone to ever bring it up again or something that comes up, I’m ready to face it. It doesn’t matter. This is me. This is what I was going through at that time in my life. Now, I’ve evolved. Maybe I would handle it differently or maybe I wouldn’t. No more brawling.

Her and I went out every night for like years. We’re two hot messes. Our whole life was about going out and doing stuff. I can only imagine. I’m sure people are going to say bad things about us or whatever. We’re different people now. It’s not like we were harming anyone.

Why are they worried about it? Leave us alone. It’s funny now because a lot of the stuff that they say or will say is not true. I’m at the point where it doesn’t matter. I remember when we were hanging out and everyone was calling us like escorts.

People thought that we’re escorts. For people that don’t know what that is, it’s someone who’s paid to be around and sleep with and whatever. People had all these assumptions about us because we would go out, have fun, and make friends. They were not doing it. They were jealous. It doesn’t matter. We were party girls and we had a lot of fun. People turned it into something like we were being prostitutes, which was not the case at all.

That would make me so angry. I would get pissed off like, “I am not a prostitute. I have a son.” You’re like, “Girl, it’s fun. Let them say what they want.” Once I got that mentality, I did not care. I own myself. I had a whole escorting party. It was coming to us.

Her and my other friend have their birthdays in the same week. I made their birthday cake that says, “Escorts of the year.” I have to pull up the picture. We were at a club. You know how they come out with the signs where they spell stuff and with the champagne bottles, it said “escorts.” I was like, “You want to say that about me?”

We’re going to own it. We had a good time. We hung out with a lot of guys and girls that had money. They were from an elite crowd. That’s totally why everyone was like, “They’re getting paid to hang out with them.” When in reality, they want to be around us because we were nice. We were having a good time. Everyone is obsessed with the persona of being a bad bitch, a bad attitude, and a bad character. You don’t have to be that. You can be nice and friendly, invite people over and not have to sleep with these guys that are paying for your bottles. That’s how it works. That means you’re doing something right.

They wanted to spend time with us. They thought it was cool to hang out with us.

We thought it was cool to be flown around and hanging out too. It was. There was nothing weird about it. I feel much better because now the same people that were calling us escorts and all this stuff are messaging us and hitting us with stuff like, “You’re doing so good for yourself. Congratulations on your success.”

Everyone sends me messages and stuff like that.

All anonymous and stuff, fake pages, we know who you are. We got your IP address.

This is another thing too. When we stopped partying, both of us have been body shamed for being too skinny because we stopped drinking and eating chicken nuggets at 4:00 AM. We were still up from the night before. We were so unhealthy. My face was bloated from alcohol. We used to drink and I’m not kidding you. This is so disgusting. We would drink at least a bottle of liquor each. We were chunky, which is fine. When we started getting healthier, I know people have said about you and me, they’re like, “They’re so skinny. They’re unhealthy.” It’s ironic because now we’re healthy.

Not everyone learns the same way, so not everyone copes the same way. Click To Tweet

I’m overly healthy. I lost 40 pounds after we stopped hanging out at the club. My husband cooks. I’m eating home-cooked meals and we’re not eating out all the time. It’s a much healthier lifestyle. It makes us not want to go out on the weekends. We want to hang out, meal prep, go for walks, and do stuff around the house. I don’t want to be hungover in the morning because we were out at the club the night before. That’s not fun anymore. It gets old after a while.

I probably haven’t drunk in 2 or 3 months. I went out to dinner with one of our old mutual friends that everyone said I was an escort with. I used to live with him because he was my best friend in the whole world. He works in financial services. He was our gateway to meeting all of these wealthier people and stuff too. He was a younger guy on Wall Street and he was my best friend. We would be hanging out with him every night too. I went to his birthday when he came here for his birthday. He doesn’t even live here anymore. He came here for his birthday. I had four drinks and I still don’t feel good.

If I did four drinks, it would be a wrap. What time did you get home?

It wasn’t late, maybe 11:00.

That’s early.

We went out at 5:30.

That’s a long time then. That’s about right. Four drinks in that amount of time, that’s not too bad.

It’s not a lot. I don’t know why I was so sick. I was having mixed drinks. I think they were sugary. Since I was sticking with vodka, I thought that it would work.

We forgot how to drink. It’s what happened.

My body feels like it’s dying. I’m nervous too because I have my birthday coming up. I’ll have a party with my closest friends, Corona safe. I have alcohol and face mask, hand sanitizer with Bedtime with Bunny. I’m inviting nine of my closest girlfriends and we’re having a Dirrty 30 Christina Aguilera theme party. I’m so nervous about drinking, but I made the party earlier. It starts at 3:00. I do a lot better if I drink a little bit during the day. I can’t drink at night. I sleep on it. My stomach is a mess.

Yes, because I get tired, so that’s the thing. If we start earlier by 11:00, it’s like, “I need to go home or where are we going next?” Now I’m totally turned like, “Let’s get it.” That’s what happened for my birthday. It could go either way, just be careful.

Be careful, you’re going to be there.

The way my drinking is set up, I’m scared. I’m not sure how you guys get reckless.

BTB 1 | Body Positivity

Body Positivity: You have got to start your own girls’ group. If it’s you and one other person, that can be beneficial for you and that person, and then it will grow from there.

 

We have one friend who’s crazy. She’s going to be bartending the whole thing. Back to advice for younger girls. The first episode that I wanted to do with you is to talk not about this topic but it was going to be more on how we met, which I’m going to do another episode. You being black, me being white, has been in our friendship and things like that. You being black in general, but that’s going to be another episode. That will be later in time. I want to get all this body positivity and womanness out. If you could talk about the girls’ group that you started, how other people could meet some girls and start their own girls’ group.

Thank you for letting me speak about this because I’m obsessed with my girls’ group. It’s something that is near and dear to my heart. It’s something that I put together because when I was in the technology industry, I didn’t have a lot of women that look like me in that industry. It was me by myself, figuring it out, making mistakes, trying to find my own way in corporate, and climbing the corporate ladder at the same time. About a few years in, I was at a place where I was killing it. I was at the top of my game. I was so proud because I did that by myself. I had no one to give me a hand up. I didn’t have anyone to look up to and imitate and see how to move.

I knew going forward that I wanted to be that for someone because I knew that it was important for me and I didn’t have it. I wouldn’t want someone else to miss out on that opportunity going forward, especially if I’m in the place where I’m able to connect you with higher-level executives or push you into your purpose. What I did was I formed a group and I was over an internship program that we had. There were about 50 interns and there were only 3 black girls and maybe 5 Spanish girls in the whole bunch. That right there is a cause for concern.

What I did was I targeted the ones that I thought would be great for my group and get a lot out of it. I reached out to them and asked if they would be interested in a mentor relationship. They were excited. It was a one-on-one that we were doing. We were talking about how to build them up, build up their self-esteem and confidence. I’m telling them about my life and what I went through in high school. That gave them some good suggestions on what to do. After the internship program, what we ended up doing was hiring a lot of interns. About three of them were from my group and we kept the group going. Instead of doing individual, we did it as a whole group. It was 70 different girls total and then myself because I was recruiting girls through the company.

I was like, “I need to find some girls for this group, who would be perfect?” I found some great girls and they were all excited to be a part of it. We met every single week for an hour. We would talk about what it’s like to be a woman in technology, what we’re going through, and how we’re able to position ourselves for success. It’s no secret that when you’re in Corporate America as a black woman, you are at the low of the low. I heard about this before I even got into corporate and I was like, “That’s dramatic. That does not happen.”

Especially growing up, you probably hear that.

When I got into the corporate environment, I felt that. I saw how my other peers were being treated versus myself. I knew the work that I was doing compared to everyone else, and my stamina and work urgency. That’s when I knew that something was off. That’s why I knew that I wanted to do this group so that I could let these girls know, “This is how I was treated. Now, you know how to represent yourself. If I was underpaid, I want you to negotiate your salary. This is how we’re going to do it. If I didn’t get a promotion, you go to your boss and let them know that you’re interested in advancement and come up with some steps to get into the next position.” Sharing with them things that I went through. I don’t work at the company now anymore, but I still keep in touch with these girls. I spoke with them. We’re supposed to be getting together. We still keep in contact. I’m glad that I put myself out there because I was nervous to reach out to these girls and ask them to be a part of my group.

You’re nervous to talk to new people about doing this and it’s like us chatting. It’s amazing. You’re great. Do you have any advice on how maybe high school or younger girls could start their own girls’ group?

You’ve got to do it. Even if it’s just you and one other person, that can be beneficial for you and that person, and then it will grow from there. I would be talking to other people at the company. It would randomly come up about my girls’ group and they’d say, “You have a girl’s group? What’s it about? I want to be a part of that.” That’s how it grows. You have to put yourself out there and don’t be afraid of rejection. I was afraid that they would say, “No, I’m good. I don’t need your advice or your mentorship. Thanks anyway.” They totally were not like that. They were so receptive and happy that I even reached out to them. Even if I did get a rejection, I would be okay with that because I know that it wasn’t meant for them. It was meant for who it’s meant for. You’ve got to do it, girl. Don’t be scared. You’re so anti-everything. You’re perfect. We all want to be like Bunny.

I’ve always had a very outgoing personality. I do not care what other people think about me at all.

That’s why I feel like I am confident because of all the years that we hung out. If we didn’t hang out for those several years, I probably wouldn’t be at my comfort level that I am in all honesty.

All my old friends say that too or still friends now, especially Cici, who I hung out with for so long too. I remember you’d be like, “I look great in this.” She’s like, “You made me feel so good,” and talking to people. Sometimes I talked to people too much that I don’t want to talk to them anymore. We used to pretend that we didn’t speak English and stuff so guys won’t talk to us. The best was we would be sitting there talking like, “Read the room, guys. We don’t want to talk to you. We’re just hanging out.” We’re sitting at the bar talking and they keep trying to talk to us and we’re not answering. We sit there and look at them.

They would be like, “Hello, is everything okay?” We’re just staring at them with a dead face like, “Get the fuck away from me.” They would eventually but they would come back. Do you remember Vegas Showgirls? That’s where it happened a lot. It’s like, “There are other girls here for you.”

If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. Confidence in yourself will make other people confident in you. Click To Tweet

That’s another reason people thought we were escorts too because we would always hang out at strip clubs, but that’s the fun place to hang out. I’m going to let you go because I know I threw this on you and took your time out of nowhere. She’s going to be back for another episode, more on social issues and things like that, and how we met because we didn’t talk about it this time. Thank you for joining me.

Thank you for having me. I love you a long time. Girls, you’re awesome. You’re beautiful. Keep killing it and believe in yourself. That’s all.

If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. You have to bring that confidence out. Even if you’re not feeling good like, “I don’t look at it in this.” Put that on, wear that cute outfit and go out. I promise the confidence will make other people feel confident in you.

Even if they’re staring at you, a lot of the time they’re thinking in their head like, “That bitch is bad. I wish I look like that.” You’ll get insecure like, “Why is she looking at me?” A lot of the times, they want to be you. Let them look, “Look on, girl. Yes, look at me.”

Thank you so much. I love you.

Thank you for reading. This show is going to be so much fun chatting with TikTokers and more times with my girlfriends. I really love you so much and I have much more coming. I have many interviews that I’ve already recorded and they will be coming out every week on Sundays because a couple of people message me that Sundays were the best, plus you said that we will call it Sunday Bun Day, so Sunday Bun Day it is. Every Sunday, I will have a new episode for you. I love you so much.

 

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